Before I watched this episode, this is what occurred to me: I haven't been following online discussion/theorizing but I would say it's fairly obvious that Riley's husband - a volunteer doctor - figured out what's the deal with Project Zero Hour and that's why he had to die. Mommy Locust picked up the phone and barked "Clean it up!" and shit got done, y'all.
Reggie: Sister, don't get on that plane.
Anna: But why? Will there be more needless deaths in the name of all that is holy?
Reggie: WELL DUH.
Anna: FEELINGS!
Reggie: You are on a mission from God, suck it up.
Previously on: COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON, APPARENTLY.
Hank and Riley are bungling in the jungle with a raving White Vincent but guess what? None of that counts, y'all.
Five is the number of grace, the father and the son. But if either is a lie, then all is...undone.
Okay I get what this is supposed to mean but what does it really mean? It comes off as more mumbo-jumbo than some of the others.
We open with Mommy Locust calmly assuring her cabal that the End Times are not at hand just yet; but whomever controls the cross might have some say in the shenanigans.
Oh and why did that cliffhanger not count? Because "Weight" opens with all of them back in NYC, a handwaveium hoedown of Riley being medivac'ed and WV pulling his usual disappearing act. Okay Show, this shit is not on, alright? Yes we know Riley can't die because she's a lead character but to make us think there's a crisis but NO NOT REALLY is screwing with our trust...and you wonder why people have trashed this series?! There's not going to be any emotional investment if none of the suspense really means anything in terms of the narrative arc. Anyway, in the waiting room Hank is transfixed by a report of a hurricane and then he gets to see Riley. They bicker a bit as she observes that WV seems to be a bit too fixated on Hank to be merely an errand boy of the apocalypse. Back at the media empire, Rachel is trying yet again to cockblock Arron (who is wearing a hoodie that looks like a bathrobe), and he really is trying to convince her that he and Agent Blonde were just being geeks.
Meanwhile at Shepherd HQ, Reggie and Anna (IF THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME) are expositioning about the plot device, while the Cute Squad does the same thing, meaning another parallel chase, as it were. And ugh now they're going to bicker about the third wheel, so thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster Hank busts in just then, angryface because reasons and the Baby Skeptics are all, "Laila! Clocks!" and he's like, "Whatevs," and then is off to confront his Lying Liars Who Lie parents. And he makes it sound like a big deal but if he can drive there in a reasonable amount of time (which clearly he can), it's not Going Home, it's "gonna go see the 'rents." A wistful gentle piano cue underscores his paging through a photo album and then Mom is like, "Uh hi, Hank Who Is Totally My Son! Why are you ninja-ing into our idyllic homestead?"
(Note: this episode's anvil of significance is the matryoska dolls toy Hank is holding in one of the photographs he looks at.)
Hank busts out the old "We need to talk," and genuinely attempts to find out what the frack is going on, and because you can tell they're totally cabal-trained, his parents misdirect like they do two shows a night in Vegas (dark on Tuesdays).
And...cue title sequence! That was only about nine minutes into the show and it felt much tighter, structure-wise, in regards to where the break was placed.
So in an attempt to placate him somewhat they say they must Tell Him the Truth and relate the whole "We found you floating in a basket...uh...delivered in a duffle bag!" and understandably he says, "You lied!" and his "mom" says "We didn't know!" and it gets pretty deep and soon Hank stalks off, "Later, lying liars who lie!" His "parents" hope he doesn't do that thing he does, you know, for a living. Oh, and Hank smirked as a baby, it's a sure sign of a skeptic! We then see that WV is still stalking him, of course. So then he's back at his office watching a video transfer of Kommandant Doppelganger, deciding to go visit Nazi Collector Extraordinaire because reasons, and Paige busts in so the Scoobies proclaim, "Clocks!" and he's still all, "Whatevs," and then a parallel sequence begins: the Scoobies' computer-fu versus Hot Girl with Clock-fu (who I don't even know what to call anymore!). Whomever is hiding the clues in the clocks is getting less clever with it, as they all think their way through the density problem of the spherical object and there's a thing and crazy awesome science and of course it's a map, duh! Why do they always discount the possibility of geographic information in the clues? Again Show, that's just falling down on your own formulaic superstructure.
Hank is at the secret bunker of Nazi Collector Extraordinaire - whom like many old fanbois is more than a bit sad and creepy - and he's all, "OMG did anyone ever tell you -" and Hank says, YEAH I KNOW and "Schnitzengruben?" he offers, and, "Let me tell you this utterly obvious fact about the word doppelganger!" and Hank's expression is clearly LOOK FANBOI JUST FIND ME SOME CONVENIENT EXPOSITION, 'KAY?!
Meanwhile, WV is doing the creepy-crawly at the Galliston homestead, which triggers a memory of his Tragic Childhood where no one loved him and how the other orphans called him a freak because, admittedly, of his freaky-ass eyeballs. Before the commercial break he stands menacingly at the foot of the bed of the Lying Liars Who Lied to Hank but you totes know nothing is going to happen (despite a cue trying to tell us otherwise) because this is Show, where none of the suspense is really suspense. Post-commercial, he's really going all Single White Female on Hank, stealing the Photo Album of Childhood Lies, as upstairs "Mom" wonders Do you hear an agent of evil creepy-crawling in here?
Back at the bunker, NCE just happens to have a handy-dandy family tree for Kommandant Doppelganger, noting that his bloodline is descended from a group whose zealotry appears encoded in their DNA, and the only clue he can offer is where he got all the junk from (with that whole MY COLLECTION. LET ME SHOW YOU IT. thing which is a meme because it's true, and wow, dude looks like Peter Lorre, actually).
This is your life, Corbin Sterm.
Meanwhile at the media empire Riley crows, "We found her!" and Girl Genius Rachel looks miffed (she clearly does not remember what I said about the Feds being able to find anyone at any time) and exposition about Anna and WTF is she doing, and Agent Blonde is out of her depth with computer-fu and Girl Genius says let me drive, and Paige is like, "Whatevs, show-off," and apparently there's a tally somewhere which Rachel adds a point to because this is not about saving the world or finding answers at all, it's all about I am Girl Genius and you must love me, clueless cute boi! Rachel, honey, he is cute and all but...*facepalm*
WV is positively wallowing in his bad memories and a barking dog makes him recall the first time he stood up against the bullies, who hooted at him in unison as they tormented him, and you know...I'd feel sorry for him if it wasn't so very Lord of the Flies.
Hank has a date with destiny in Lake Charles, Louisiana, where a crotchety junkman turns out to be the son of Corbin Sterm. Uh...okay? And naturally his response is, "Uh hi, stranger who looks just like my dead Nazi father?" There's a whole thing where they hit every point on the Kubler-Ross scale but cross-cut with that is....
Expense accounts are strained as Riley and the Scoobies travel to Istanbul on Laila's trail but of course the pesky Rosicrucians have untold wealth, or whatever. Arron counsels to snatch some DNA and Hank is all, "Try not to cause an international incident or get killed, mmmkay?"
But also, as WV is waiting for Creepy Little Boy (more stairs are involved), he's still angsting about his antiseptic upbringing. He then lies (like Laila did) about Hank's significance in his report to Mommy Locust. He learns she cut out Creepy Little Boy's tongue and knowing they're both from the Island of Misfit Errand Boys, he is ready for a showdown. Later, in the suitably fairy tale-esque penthouse of Mommy Locust, WV comes up against the True Believer, and it's pretty much a standoff. Because she's all, "Blah blah blah YOUR LIFE, SO HARD," and says that she'll tell him why he exists in exchange for the True Cross. "Trust me," she says, much like Kaa, and you just know WV so totally cannot trust her.
He's like a sociopathic Malamute (no offense to the breed).
(OMG Riley's husband was either a Shepherd or a Pirate, hmm?!)
Dangerous misunderstanding, police intervention, letter of revelation ("I've got something in my pocket that explains everything!"), The Escape Artist Formerly Known As Laila goes poof, and Erik Haas reveals that he has the rest of the clocks because he was clever way before it was cool, y'all. And really, we're so done with the clocks, right? Because it's all about the True Cross now. But Hank's solution to keeping them safe means bringing them to the offices of Modern Skeptic...oh yeah, that's really safe.
Gotta whole lotta clocks!
WV, like Aqualung, is sitting on a park bench, eyeing...well okay, not little girls, but kids playing...OH NOES MOAR ANGST?! No, but this week's anvil of significance. Identities within identities, lies within lies, mysteries within mysteries...HANK IS TOO MY LAB-ENGINEERED BROTHER, SEE WE HAVE THE SAME TOY, WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME?!
All the Skeptics return home, Anna is advised to do something about those meddling Feds, and Hank is his own grandfather! Laila calls and declares, "It's time to end this," (because people in Zero Hour don't know they're in Zero Hour)...and that's where it does end. That was actually rather unexpected (by me, anyway), and it works much better than last week's non-denouement.
The good (scoring) stuff:
Within those first nine minutes, the cues progress in what I perceive to be an interconnected fashion, but it also shows how music works in underlying some parts and not others. It's a great example of how this show really is scored like a film would be. The piano cue I mentioned earlier is really lovely, a slight wash of brass carries it away and then strings enter to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene. But then after the commercial the more delicate side of it comes back, with perhaps a slight touch of menace. I assume Nazi Collector Extraordinaire is listening to Wagner when Hank comes to visit him. The music which backs WV's reminiscences is not wholly bathos, there's an interesting tension in it. There's one use of licensed music in the scene where Hank first arrives in St. Charles but it's used in a realistic fashion, way in the background. There's a nice use of Middle Eastern music in the first Istanbul scene, it's at least not as silly as last week's Let's go to Paraguay! I believe the piano cue which I think of as "Home" comes back during the scene where Erik reads the letter Sterm wrote while on the sub. I really like the last cue as well, it's also piano-based. I'd say my only complaint is in the transition to commercial the cues become way too dramatic, much like the cue when WV looks into the mouth of Messenger Boy, it's telegraphing, and that's a no-no.
