Knowing The Score: Zero Hour S1 E9: "Balance"

(Author's note: this essay contains spoilers for the ninth episode of Zero Hour, so don't say I didn't warn you!)

Further apologies, blah blah blah...but seriously, readers, I do apologize for having fallen behind in the recaps.   I'm trying to catch up as best I can now.  Part of my issue is with abc.com and their beta player, which is often non-cooperative at best.

Previously on: COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON, APPARENTLY.   Doppelgangers abound, faith is in short supply, and all Hank and Riley want out of this crazy world is some answers, y'all.

What I will stay about this episode is: it's a very transitional one, it's like you can hear the struts of the story's superstructure snapping into place in most of the scenes.  By this writing, having watched all the available episodes now, I believe Show definitely picks up momentum after this episode.

Eight is forever a line
without end
the worst sort of murder
is that of a friend.

So there are better murders, comparatively?  Okay...

In The Year of Der Fuehrer 1938, Sterm is holding a funeral for his friend on the not-yet-a-subsicle but puts a stop to the proceedings by reminding the crew they came to the Faroe Islands in the services of a Far HIgher Agenda, and yeah, he does talk in caps.  Fast forward and the Unholy Trinity of Hank, Laila and Riley are landing and discussing The Marble of Significance which of course assists them in their anvilicious dialog because everything has to do with belief, of course.

Flashback Time!  Riley and Molars are in the guise of their past selves: the happily married couple Theo and Becca, literally the night he is going to be extracted from his deep cover via plane explosion.   She's all girly and stuff and the entire scene is about reproduction, it's giving me a headache, that's how obvious it is.  Back to the present day, White Vincent is once more needling at his colleague: "Five years in the care of the Pyrates has done interesting stuff to you, Molars," and I gotta wonder just what the hell the two of them were doing before this whole ridiculous plot shifted into high gear and what event precipitated that and is WV just so angry that he can't deal with anyone, or is Molars a special case for his scorn?  WV gives hints that his beef with Hank is just part of a larger picture.

Hank's parents have a dither back at the homestead...and then when his dad rhetorically wonders where his lab rat offspring could possibly be, the scene shifts very convenient to the answer.  OH HAI FAROE ISLANDS! On the phone with Arron (who gets the best line of the ep: "You're not gonna believe this, but apparently we publish some sort of magazine?"  Oooh, snarky and meta, well-played Show!)  Hank wants to know the connection between his doppleganger and the Faroe Islands, so he asks them to get in touch with "your Nazi friend."  The Unholy Trinity splits up, and Hank and Laila take shelter.  Mommy Locust is in a clinic somewhere, receiving updates, and she is not pleased.  They give her a purposely hammy line which sort of ruins the progress made by the previous one: "Act like the end of the world is coming...because it just may be."

And...cue credit sequence!  That was nine minutes this time, a bit too long.

Meanwhile, Riley is thwarted again by the boss who hates her, and WV is attempting to ascertain where the ship needs to land in order to find their way to the burial site based on how the sub made its approach.

Flashback time!  The First Mate (I'm assuming) chronicles how Sterm deviated from the original plan, working out his penance, I guess.  Then we're back with Laila and her Catholic Valium: working the rosary.  She's freaked and has many FEELINGS!  Hank equivocates by saying there are "things beyond our comprehension" but admits he's smart enough to know he knows nothing, and just then his lab rat brother calls and bets him they'll end up at the burial site at the exact same time.  WV is the only one who knows how Sterm wronged Dietrich but he appears to be hell-bent (uh, sorry) on making Hank pay for it.  Apparently seeing Sterm frozen in the subsicle wasn't enough for him, WV assures Hank he will kill him this time.

Riley had ninja'ed her way onto the ship and finds Molars' security badge just hanging around (along with those of the rest of the crew).

Nazi Collector Extraordinaire drops by the Media Empire and there's a lot of blah blah blah is there something you're not telling me?  The main purpose of this scene - besides making him extremely creepy - is so the Cute Squad can discover there are two doppelgangers.

The boat is getting underway and Riley finds Molars, and he doesn't explain himself, just tells her he's not going with her.  Riley begins to possibly comprehend that she is closer to Hank than she'd like to be, and then Molars raises the alarm and it's been fun, baby, but you've got to go.  Gunfire, running, you know the drill.

Hank and Laila get their puzzle-fu on with the marble, and then race to the harbor to exposition with Riley: "The only thing I saw, was a different man where my husband used to be."  UH...YOU MEAN LIKE AN OPERATIVE?  LIKE, HANK ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHOSE ENTIRE LIFE WAS A LIE?

Nazi Collector Extraordinaire is attempting to utilize the intimidation strategy of his forefathers, or whatever, but the Cute Squad just acts dumb, although Arron gets another good line: "Yeah you know as journalists, we're not so good with the showing."  They show him the door as he continues to prissily threaten them.  Like I said, dude is creepy.

While Riley cries in the shower, Hank and Laila have a numerology moment and she realizes that the design inside the marble is that of a Passion flower, the physical structure of which has been interpreted by Catholics to be wholly representative of their symbolism.  Arron informs him that history is literally repeating itself in that WV has a doppelganger as well.  While they're expositioning, Laila gets a call from Reggie (identified as "Omega" on her caller ID) and she sneaks out to call him back, thus giving him another chance to guilt her into carrying out the Shepherds' agenda.  Hank will receive the handy-dandy results of the Cute Squad's research, of course.  Laila fails to tell Hank about the call, but Riley emerges at a convenient point to deliver unto them some of Theo's plant-fu.  

And then it occurs to me: he's a geneticist!  I guess?  Probably?

Anyway, so she decides she's going to join their Rendezvous with Destiny and as she exits the room we can see Laila thinking, "Yeah thanks there, Third Wheel.  On the other hand you've got a gun, so..."

Meanwhile, Mommy Locust is in church with her pet Messenger Boy and one of her heavies comes to give her another status report.  After we endure her pious blathering for a couple minutes, she uses the Holy Water chalice like her personal fingerbowl and decides to pay a visit to the offices of Modern Skeptic.

Rachel gets a call from Hank's dad and she's being cagey, and he gets frustrated with her, leaving a cryptic message.  Back in the North Sea, WV and his crew figured out their anchorage as the Unholy Trinity make their way into the woods, and Riley conveniently informs her driver that the only Passion flower they're going to find is a chapel.  They have a guarded conversation about belief, and Riley gets in a good shot at Laila: "I know what I believe, I know my faith, I also know I have no business trying to sell it to anybody."  Just as she delivers this little salvo, a road sign comes loose in the wind and nearly decapitates Hank as it slices through the windshield.  Whoa. 

More Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign, as Arron just happens to pull up the latest weather radar which shows a perfect storm scenario happening in...you guessed it: the Faroe Islands.  Rachel is all, "Dude, let's bail," and Mommy Locust slithers in and begins acting all villian-y with her pious blatherings.  Hank's dad shows up and has a reunion with the boss' daughter and decides to offer his services once more.

In The Year of Der Fuehrer 1938, Sterm and his cannon fodder are on their crazy mission to bury the box as in the present day WV and Molars follow in their (muddy) footsteps.  WV is clearly being delusional, thinking Hank is Sterm.  Meanwhile the Unholy Trinity makes it to the deserted chapel and begins looking around as Laila suffers daddy issues looking at a stained glass image of Our Lord Jesus Christ (And he's got short hair?  Guess the Danes don't like a shaggy savior.).  She freaks out again, arguing with Hank, who has to state the obvious: "What happened out there on the road, that was a sign: a literal sign, made of metal, torn off by the wind."

WV and Molars find a rock in the ground at the coordinates inscribed C. Fidelis...uh, like Sterm would have time to carve something in the middle of that storm?  Clearly WV's research is lacking.  But they decide it is indeed The Place.  Back at the chapel, Hank and Riley are Multer-and-Scullying and Hank realizes that the same colors in the Marble of Significance are shining down upon a statue of Our Lord...who is missing an eye.

A storm is coming, birds are freaking, the Pyrates team finds a box in the ground.

So instead of taking the plank out of his own eye, Hank puts the Marble of Significance into Jesus' eye and answers that age-old question Do you see what I see?  The Marble of Significance is part of a kaleidoscope which when appropriately placed allows the one who looks through it to see the marker where the Holy Plot Device is buried.  Okay that was a cool puzzle, Show, I gotta tell ya.

People are digging...WV makes a comment about permafrost, Molars thinking that may be the reason why the Holy Plot Device was buried there...neither side has to dig for long...but we are shown the Pyrates discovery first, and it is not the True Cross, but the True Heart.  Sterm writes a touching eulogy for Dietrich, placing it in the pocket of the uniform clothing the perfectly preserved body.  WV is, understandably, freaking out at the sight of his doppelganger...that's gotta fuck with your head, am I right?  

Wind is whipping, birds are flocking, Hank and Riley open the box to find...frozen beetles!  And of course the Pyrates crash their party, so I guess WV wins the bet.  Hank declares Game Over and Molars is all, "Uh no, gimme the bugs."  He points a gun at them and Riley looks like someone kicked her puppy.

The good (scoring) stuff: there are some lovely cues in this episode, like the one used during Riley's shower scene.  I also liked the one during Laila's phone call, the way it built very gently to the dramatic swell before the cut to commercial.  Same with the scene where Dietrich's grave is discovered and the True Cross is uncovered.  There's something in the church scene which reminds me of another score, but I'm not sure which one.

More confirmation!

Courtesy of a tweet yesterday from Scoring Sessions - the site which has provided coverage of more than a few of Trevor's score recording sessions (and I have a link to their archive in the "Neato Stuff" section on the front page) - it appears Trevor has at least reached the spotting stage in this project.

Hopefully this means they'll post photos from the session at some point in the future, although it's been a while since we've been allowed to see the Maestro at work in this capacity.

Knowing The Score: Zero Hour S1 E8: "Winding"

(Author's note: this essay contains spoilers for the eighth episode of Zero Hour, so don't say I didn't warn you!)

My apologies to readers for the further delay; further work commitments for the month happened along (i.e. my gig writing descriptions for an artisan fragrance company) and I had to put off both the recap and the interview transcription, and then type my brains out to get both done within a tight deadline, but I digress, so let's get on it now...

Previously on: COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON, APPARENTLY.
Those crazy kids Hank and Laila are going off on a quixotic quest to destroy the True Cross so Hank doesn't to have don the sad wings of destiny as the human detonation device of the Apocalypse, or whatever.  Meanwhile, White Vincent is trying his best to be a good little errand boy for Mommy Locust and find it before his freaky-ass eyeball'ed lab rat brother does.  And other stuff.

Tick-tock...WV delivers what I consider the most anvilicious rhyme yet about how he and Hank really are lab-rat brothers because...well, we'll save it for the scenes in question.

We're back at the beginning, where the main theme and the hokey dialogue inform us this is Zero Hour! and the pesky Rosicrucians must save the world from the evil religious artifact-hoarding Nazis and one doppelganger with a bad accent is talking to another whose accent is not so bad...but, like, we can't figure out who that is?  Really?  I mean, you don't even really try to make it suspenseful, Show, and if you're not gonna even try to work with me in this relationship, I just don't know if we can move forward...

(Oh wait, that's right, ABC filed for divorce.  Moving on.)

To eternity...AND BEYOND!  (Whoops sorry.)

Hank and Laila arrive in Strasbourg and they argue epistemology at the airport, and agree to go off with the first random taxi driver they encounter (which violates a sacred tourist rule).

The Feds are chasing their tales and Riley's boss snarks, "Since you're not doing your job and all, maybe you'd like to explain how this chick has five thousand aliases?"

Reggie puts out an execution order on Hank and Laila: I WANT THEM DEAD, AND I WANT BODY PARTS TO BE DELIVERED UNTO ME ONCE THEY ARE DEAD as we see Assassin Guy in yet another invocation of Cape Fear (Show, what is up with that?).

The Cute Squad is worried and expositioning and of course The Feds bust in and make all the other employees (Really? You're still trying to convince us this magazine isn't just a front for, say, lab rats waiting for their progremming to kick in and end the world?) go home.

Somewhere in the North Sea, WV is briefing Mommy Locust on the status of the mission and she brings in a former colleague, Molars, WV looks like a cat which has been given a new mouse to gnaw on.  

It's always a map!

Hank and Laila come face-to-face with The Mother of All Clocks at the cathedral while Laila attempts to invoke a variant of Godwin's Law, apparently.

Assassin Guy rolls up on the taxi driver and when the guy demands payment for his surveillance, AG basically tells him, without a word, I will pay you...WITH DEATH!

And...cue title sequence!  That was about the same amount of time as last week but it felt longer, I think, because of all the cross-cutting.

Back at the media empire Arron and Paige are weirdly flirting in their geeky way while Riley leans on Rachel to give her the hookup, guilting her into assistance (since she can't shoot anybody with her boss in the next room and all).

Meanwhile at Clock Central, Hank and Laila exposition, random docent, exposition, and surprise!  Assassin Guy appears and Laila is all OMG OMG OMG FREEZE IT'S THE T2000.  As is his wont, he causes a bit of mayhem.

Apocalypse Tourism, yeah it could catch on.

Somewhere in the North Sea, WV and Molars are enacting the dance of long-standing frenemies.  WV speaks cryptically of tea, dreams and death...until Molars says "Remember the mission, dude?"  There's a weird sort of homoerotic tension between them...just sayin.'

Back in WWII, Dietrich writes long philosophical tracts in his journal, much like any pesky Rosicrucian.  Sterm then joins him and they blather for a while.  It's difficult to keep track from one flashback to another.

Laila gets exposition-y about Golem, who as I noted bears a certain resemblance to the T2000 in his robotic intensity, and yet somehow they escape because reasons.  They then argue about what do with the Holy Plot Device, and of course the Skeptical Schlub is all for Blinding It With Science.  He calls Riley who whines, "You ditched me!" and then Laila breaks in and is all, "Chill Fedster, let's work this shit out, aiight?!"

We are led to believe that Riley's boss may be the dirty one in the organization, and let's face it: the guy looks pretty shady either way, in that bureaucratic toad kind of way.

More philosophical meanderings with WV and Molars and...flashback! as the doppelgangers blah-blah-blah in the presence of the Holy Plot Device.  Sterm reassures Dietrich that The Plan will go on and that Jesus is in a piece of wood?  Yeah see, the memory of my catechism is not that strong, apparently.

Reggie is going on about how the Shepherds and their Terminator are BAMFs who will hunt those infidels down!

Somehow, Hank and Laila manage to stay alive long enough to have Riley, Agent Blonde, and the Cute Squad show up with the clocks, and then she gets all protective of the Skeptical Schlub and the Cute Squad, threatening to kill Laila if she lies again...yeah whatever.  Laila reveals what we already knew about Theo being aligned with the Pyrates.  Laila was meant to waylay Theo but Car Crash of Destiny and all.  More WHY?ing.

The Scoobies are puzzling out what to do next, and of course Arron has a pop culture geek plan which can't miss!  They go forth to their daring plan, the Feds keeping watch as Laila spy-fus her way into the catacombs, because obviously every major city has them.  As they're creeping through the tunnels, Laila is trying to build a contrite bridge and Arron's all, "Um sorry, you're a Lying Liar Who Lies."

Somewhere in the North Sea, WV is reading The Diary of a Doppelganger and...cue flashback!

Sterm and Dietrich have a pissing match and Dietrich wants to change course, and so okay, I'm assuming this is how subsicle, and Dietrich keeps harping on putting the Holy Plot Device in the mud, and I'm all, "Dude, it's in a box fer chrissakes!"  Sterm shoots Dietrich so that The Plan may prevail, which allows for Dietrich to have an epic death scene talking about the sweet fraternity in Heaven where I imagine there's beer and roofies and...oh wait, yeah not that kind of fraternity party, sorry.

The Brothers in Fate, whatever that means.

The Scoobies ninja their way into the cathedral and set about unlocking The Mother of All Clocks with Bible passages and Rachel and Arron have a tender moment and...er mah gah Show, can we please not have this unrequited romantic bullshit?  Please?!  Outside, Paige is not picking up because...Golem is unrelentlngly making his way to them.  Riley tries to get into the crime scene and even her multilingual rankpulling has no effect on the French, they're all vous parlez a la main; I mean really, she should have totally known that wasn't gonna work.

Laila, meanwhile, proclaims JESUS SAYS YOU SHOULD FORGIVE ME, HANK.  And what's Hank gonna do, she's a Hot Girl With Clock-fu, yanno?  So all the clues are entered and the Mother of All Clocks finally spits out the last piece of the puzzle and then...curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Agent Blonde!  She does this thing with her eyebrows like betcha didn't see that coming, didya?!  Show, dude, whatevs, I haz an underwhelmed.  I'd seriously think this was parody but there's no laugh track.

Riley sums up the next sequence by stating "And there's our mole," but only after Paige gets all fanatical-like.  Gunplay, running, and Golem cleans up the mess...Agent Blonde, we hardly knew ye.

More flirting between WV and Molars...I get that's there meant to be a creepy tension and all but these scenes just seem so painfully slow compared to the pacing of the rest of the ep.

Laila conveniently finds the map (because it's always a map), Riley has footage of WV, Hank sends the Cute Squad home, and Riley freaks out because...DUN DUN DUN, her martyr'ed husband is not so senselessly dead.

That's gotta fuck with your head, am I right?

The good (scoring) stuff: there are a lot of Action Movie! and Unbearable Tension! cues in this episode and that's not a bad thing, because that's why Trevor gets the big bucks to be the Go-To Action Guy.

(And if anyone can email me and tell me what the easter egg reference is in this recap I will praise you in the next recap as a person of cleverness and taste.  You're welcome.)

update

For all those who have been following along with my episode recaps of Zero Hour for Knowing The Score, I will be a few days late with my recap of "Winding" this week as I am in the midst of transcribing an interview I conducted for another site, so the snark will be on hold till mid-week probably.  But thanks to everyone who does read with (hopeful) enjoyment. :)

new scoring project for Trevor

About a month ago or so in a conversation over at Yesfans I predicted that Trevor might score at least one film this year in light of Zero Hour being cancelled and therefore not having any other work commitments of that nature.  And it appears I might be right after all, as today the website Film Music Reporter has posted that Trevor will be scoring the next Peter Segal movie, Grudge Match, which is described as a "sports comedy."  Trevor had previously worked with Segal on the reboot of Get Smart.  I look forward to Trevor returning to comedy (although his music usually serves as the straight man) and of course sports-themed films are a specialty of his, given how well he composes what I call "human highlight reel music."

The story can be read here:
http://filmmusicreporter.com/2013/07/02/trevor-rabin-to-score-grudge-match/

Hopefully this information is accurate; either way I will relate further details as they become available.

Knowing The Score: Zero Hour S1 E7: "Sync"

(Author's note: this essay contains spoilers for the seventh episode of Zero Hour, so don't say I didn't warn you!)

My apologies for the misspelling of "pyrates" in earlier entries; as I've noted I haven't really been following along with discussion of the show online, and that includes other recaps.  I am correcting this retroactively.

Previously on: COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON, APPARENTLY.
Hank is his own grandfather, do I really need to say more?  I do?  Well okay, all your clocks are belong to Hank, everybody's got FEELINGS! and it's going to get rather messy because reasons.  So let's see if any of those reasons are made any clearer than mud in this episode...

White Vincent intones that six is the number of harmony, and yeah, that's what numerology teaches us (one of its characteristics, that is).  It's also the number of idealism, which I think is a better theme for this episode.

"Sync" opens with a shot of the thawed subsicle, and we see WV in Cousteau mode, having gone scrounging for something.  Since two episodes prior we knew the True Cross had been transferred to the sub I assume we are meant to think he's looking for the thing itself, but what WV retrieves is a strong box which contains the logbook of das boot and he looks, uh, reassured, I suppose.

Next is Agent Blonde reporting to Riley; Hank's phone is tapped and they hear him agreeing to rendezvous with his estranged clandestine wife.  Scully looks a bit miffed that Mulder did not let her in on this development; but like I keep tellin' y'all, the Feds will find you out!

And then The Escape Artist Formerly Known As Laila is at the rendezvous point, nervously scanning the crowd, giving a nod to her Shepherd security detail.  Arron rolls up and cooly tells her to get on the next bus (can I just say the boy looks damn fine in that hoodie?) and she sprints for it, to find Rachel all tight-faced scorn but carrying out her part, which is to get the electronic watchdog off the trail by switching coats and ditching the umbrella so that Anna's watchers are foiled (and they phone Reggie who doesn't really look stressed).  Anna apologizes to Rachel, says she's sorry for everything, and we know Rachel wants to yell YES YOU ARE SORRY and I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULD BE MY MOM! but she is dignified in her response. poor girl.  I have to say that for such a stereotypical role as the Girl Genius who is yet also the Ingenue, Addison Timlin has a wonderfully expressive face which conveys more than they give her time to accomplish in her dialogue.

Anna does the thing and they end up meeting in Central Park right on the spot where Hank proposed so he could be all LYING LIAR WHO LIES WHY ME?! and so we are right back to what I believe he considers the central mystery of his life, even more than his being-his-own-grandpa origins.  Anna blathers exposition and then says the Pyrates are "radical believers," uh...like the Shepherds aren't?  Yeah, that's convincing.  Even less convincing is her "I loved you, I still do" spiel, and the Skeptical Schlub is all "Wrong!" and states He Wants Answers or the next clock will be bartered away to the baddies.

Do I believe him?  No, not really.  I believe Hank does want answers but I don't see him going to WV to get them.  He may be starting to buy into their lab-rat origins but he's not feeling kinship with his freaky-ass eyeball brother just yet.  Hank would just gather his Scoobies and figure it out for himself.

And...cue title sequence!
That was eight minutes into the ep, which, again, is better timing.

Back at the media empire, a wee bit of exposition about Hank being his own grandfather (and Arron's goofiness, I get that he's comic relief but it - like many things in this show - is too contrived) and a rhyme in Latin engraved on the bottom of the twelfth clock.  In the North Sea WV discovers that the log book is coded in Demonic (?) - the same language Messenger Boy knows - and he calls Mommy Locust for help.  This exchange reveals she's in yet another clinic (but she's not playing God, just God's administrative assistant) somewhere with her Messenger Boy, to whom she gently explains that their cabal will survive the apocalypse because that's how all End Times scenarios play out: the righteous never have to suffer for long, or not at all.

Riley barges into the offices of Modern Skeptic (and a large blowup of one of the covers is on display, just to remind us that there is a magazine alledgedly being published), Arron is goofy, Rachel is, "WTF dude?" and Riley is "Don't make me have to bust a cap, Mr. Tall, Shaggy and Dumbass." and is in Hank's face, "You cut me out, man!" and what is incredibly annoying is - as she admits to her overwhelming agenda to find out why her husband had to die - she chides Hank for wanting to know if Laila's love was, in any sense, real.  Damn woman, don't you see you both want the same thing?  Closure.  They bicker and when Hank says WV and Laila are not on the same side Riley retorts, "Is that what THE LIAR told you?"

"What about me and my obsessive quest, Hank?  It can't all be about you because we're costars, damnit!"

Meanwhile at Shepherd HQ Laila is praying (but really pining), and Reggie tells her she must shun attachment (which, if you think about it, is more a Buddhist tenant than a Christian one) and he's shutting her out of the negotiations because he knows she's conflicted but of course this has to happen because Dramatic Tension and then another priest busts in and says, "All our clocks are belong to Hank!" and "The Pyrates will find our Holy Relic before we do!" and so we know that it was transported via the sub, but was hidden elsewhere because of course it was.  I'd still like to know why subsicle with Kommandant Doppelganger in its belly but anyway...Reggie immediately leaps to the dramatic solution of, "Well we gotta snuff Hank and nab the clocks, obvs."

Post-commercial we are hanging with the Sad Schlub in the wee small hours of the morning as he tells Riley, "Yeah let's sell the Lying Liar Who Lies down the proverbial river."  They share their FEELINGS! and talk about life post-grand conspiracy ruining their lives and she remarks, "I want to be happy again." and his look says good luck with that.  Because really, is that not the most naive thing you've ever heard an edgy tortured tattooed woman say?  Somewhere in...Norway?  Greenland?...WV meets up with the translator and answers the guy's academic curiosity with, "Chop-chop, time's a wastin,' scholar man!"

And then in the stupidest sequence of the ep, Hank gets a call from Laila's phone only it's Reggie, he is then ready to enact his Clever Plan (which, yes, meant that ALL THE CLOCKS were hidden at the office) which, as you can imagine, was a Complete and Utter Failure.  Seriously though, the guys just obvs hanging around the building who then begin chasing Hank and Arron, who are supposed to be the decoys?  That's not tension, Show, that's comedy.

After what must have been a long drive (because it's now night) they arrive at the Shepherd stronghold (I guess when you talk about the 1%ers it really means the clandestine true believers of the world and then all those other cabals) and duuuude, hallway of scarlet-robed monks!  We are led to believe Hank is going to meet his end at their hands, but no, not before he does the clock-fu thang; Reggie tells Hank it is his Destiny and Hank's all "Wha?  No, I was created in a lab because reasons!"  We learn there is a pesky Rosicrucian mole on the ship, who - in the second stupidest sequence of the ep - strolls into the Room of Exposition pretending he thought it was the storage closet.  Laaaaame, Show.  So then he's all, "Hey guy, explain your whole deal there," and Scholar Man obliges but moments later WV appears and is sorry to crash their convo but he has some killin' to do and the knifefight is on, because the mole pulls a knife out of his boot like he was expecting this, but dude despite your green hoodie you are totally a redshirt, as in: your blood on your shirt after being stabbed by WV.  He sees the guy's cross and has a look of "Meddling pesky Rosicrucians!" while Scholar Man is all, "Please don't kill me!" and WV has a look of "Do you think I'm an idiot?" and Scholar Man collapses to the floor, in full possession of the knowledge that upon the North Sea, no one can hear you scream.   The Escape Artist Formerly Known As Laila reveals to her supervisor that she didn't make Flight 71 because her taxi hit a bus but as she crawled from the wreckage she saw "352" on the bus' display and it's totes A Sign From God!  Back at the Shepherd stronghold, Hank is muttering the rhyme like it's some unfathomable mystery - and sadly the pesky Rosicrucians don't know that it's really the Scoobies who do all the puzzle-fu, Hank is just the guy who tells them to figure it out.  Anna and Father Mark show up and she tells Reggie, "I'm assigning myself to this mission, because I am righteous and I has the clock-fu!  I won't flinch when the time comes to get rid of the fly in our holy ointment."

A murder of Shepherds.

Arron is freaking out at Riley in regards to the nabbing of Hank and Rachel, and I've noticed she has said "Calm down!" or some variation thereof quite a few times over the course of the series.  Plus her accent keeps slipping.  Agent Blonde comes in and says they've got a plate hit, the Shepherds were spotted exiting the highway somewhere in upstate NY and because the Feds will find you, that's what they're gonna do.

This week's puzzle-fu is pretty lame as well: Hank just suddenly wonders why all the clocks have a similar piece of glass and reminds Anna that she told him every part of a clock serves a purpose.  In conjunction with the rhyme they figure out there's a pattern (because of course there is) etched on each piece of glass which when placed all together reveal a map   It's always a map, y'all.  Reggie begins to exposition to Hank about his lab-rat origins as part of Project Zero Hour, revealing that he is the detonator of the True Cross to bring about the End of Days and...I'm sorry but, I don't get how that can be even symbolically appropriate.  Anyway...they get wind of the Feds approach and it's been fun but they must dash, and Anna's supervisor is ready to shoot Hank rather than let him fall into the hands of the Pyrates. but of course Anna stops him.  Literally.  Having now really broken her vows and fucked up her shot at salvation (one assumes) for the sake of that dangerous ideology called love, she then points the gun at Hank and they also flee the oncoming Feds.

(Because we totes knew she's been lying to everyone, especially herself, right?  And I guess Hank totally forgot about Rachel being a hostage too.)

It wouldn't be an episode of Zero Hour unless there's globetrotting because reasons and so Hank drives Anna to Grand Central and she tells him she's going to destroy the True Cross because otherwise they won't stop hunting for him and he reminds her that she is a Lying Liar Who Lies and she says, "Jesus wants me for his cross-killer!" and he has put the Feds on their tail again and she says, "The plot demands that I insist you come with me!" and he wants to know if - when Skeptical Schub won the heart of Hot Girl with Clock-Fu - did she run off to her pesky Rosicrucian overlords and confirm she bagged him, and she's all, "Well obviously," and he agrees to her crazy plan with extreme reservation because she told him One True Thing and he's a masochist, obviously.

And she may be a Lying Liar Who Lies, but she's hot.  Especially now that he's heard her real accent, because we all know Yanks can't resist an Aussie accent, c'mon now!

But in the midst of all this WV phones Mommy Locust again (apparently she's somewhere in the Middle East where she looks out upon the Fourth Plague of Revelations manifested as severe drought) and tells her he'll have the cross within the week, and she continues with her apocalypse educational plan, quoting scripture to her Messenger Boy. And even though she tells WV, "No loose ends," he then gives Scholar Man a choice: jump into the cold North Sea where no one can hear you die from hypothermia, or quickly dead via bullets.  The guy appears to agree to swim for it and ya gotta feel bad for what was the worst decision of his life but...whaddya think?  He's gonna get rescued?  He might be an actual plot point!

Rachel was stashed in some room at the stronghold and badasses her way out with her boots made for kicking in doors only to Meet The Feds, who are then allowed to track Hank.  Riley and Agent Blonde show up at Grand Central where Riley finds Hank's phone duct-taped to a pole with an apology and Hank is driving his lying bride to Montreal, because she totes knows how to travel without attracting the attention of INTERPOL even in the post-9/11 world, apparently?  Well maybe it's Quebec's insistence upon sovereignty meaning they don't trifle with such silly things as international law?  Who knows...but this episode was structured okay even for all its actual lame content.

The good (scoring) stuff:
Again there is a sequence of cues and themes in the beginning which really set the tone nicely, in the sub sequence I'm actually reminded a bit of Trevor's score for 5 Days of War.   There's a nice wistful cue as Laila meets Hank on the bridge.   The sequence during Hank and Riley's conversation about their future plans is lovely as well, there's a lightness to it suggesting hope, but then a pulse of tension intrudes, undermining their words.  A percussive-heavy chase sequence reminds me that's always one of Trevor's strong points in a score (though usually he gets to use guitars).  A wonderful piano cue during the puzzle-solving sequence, also quite a sprightly fight sequence, a bit of what I refer to as "the stabbing violins of significance."

Knowing The Score: Zero Hour S1 E6: "Weight"

(Author's note: this essay contains spoilers for the sixth episode of Zero Hour, so don't say I didn't warn you!)

Before I watched this episode, this is what occurred to me: I haven't been following online discussion/theorizing but I would say it's fairly obvious that Riley's husband - a  volunteer doctor - figured out what's the deal with Project Zero Hour and that's why he had to die.  Mommy Locust picked up the phone and barked "Clean it up!" and shit got done, y'all.
Reggie: Sister, don't get on that plane.
Anna: But why?  Will there be more needless deaths in the name of all that is holy?
Reggie: WELL DUH.
Anna: FEELINGS!
Reggie: You are on a mission from God, suck it up.

Previously on: COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON, APPARENTLY.
Hank and Riley are bungling in the jungle with a raving White Vincent but guess what?  None of that counts, y'all.

Five is the number of grace, the father and the son.  But if either is a lie, then all is...undone.

Okay I get what this is supposed to mean but what does it really mean?  It comes off as more mumbo-jumbo than some of the others.

We open with Mommy Locust calmly assuring her cabal that the End Times are not at hand just yet; but whomever controls the cross might have some say in the shenanigans.

Oh and why did that cliffhanger not count?  Because "Weight" opens with all of them back in NYC, a handwaveium hoedown of Riley being medivac'ed and WV pulling his usual disappearing act.  Okay Show, this shit is not on, alright?  Yes we know Riley can't die because she's a lead character but to make us think there's a crisis but NO NOT REALLY is screwing with our trust...and you wonder why people have trashed this series?!  There's not going to be any emotional investment if none of the suspense really means anything in terms of the narrative arc.  Anyway, in the waiting room Hank is transfixed by a report of a hurricane and then he gets to see Riley.  They bicker a bit as she observes that WV seems to be a bit too fixated on Hank to be merely an errand boy of the apocalypse.  Back at the media empire, Rachel is trying yet again to cockblock Arron (who is wearing a hoodie that looks like a bathrobe), and he really is trying to convince her that he and Agent Blonde were just being geeks.

Meanwhile at Shepherd HQ, Reggie and Anna (IF THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME) are expositioning about the plot device, while the Cute Squad does the same thing, meaning another parallel chase, as it were.  And ugh now they're going to bicker about the third wheel, so thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster Hank busts in just then, angryface because reasons and the Baby Skeptics are all, "Laila!  Clocks!" and he's like, "Whatevs," and then is off to confront his Lying Liars Who Lie parents.  And he makes it sound like a big deal but if he can drive there in a reasonable amount of time (which clearly he can), it's not Going Home, it's "gonna go see the 'rents."  A wistful gentle piano cue underscores his paging through a photo album and then Mom is like, "Uh hi, Hank Who Is Totally My Son!  Why are you ninja-ing into our idyllic homestead?"

(Note: this episode's anvil of significance is the matryoska dolls toy Hank is holding in one of the photographs he looks at.)

Hank busts out the old "We need to talk," and genuinely attempts to find out what the frack is going on, and because you can tell they're totally cabal-trained, his parents misdirect like they do two shows a night in Vegas (dark on Tuesdays).

And...cue title sequence!  That was only about nine minutes into the show and it felt much tighter, structure-wise, in regards to where the break was placed.

So in an attempt to placate him somewhat they say they must Tell Him the Truth and relate the whole "We found you floating in a basket...uh...delivered in a duffle bag!" and understandably he says, "You lied!" and his "mom" says "We didn't know!" and it gets pretty deep and soon Hank stalks off, "Later, lying liars who lie!"  His "parents" hope he doesn't do that thing he does, you know, for a living.  Oh, and Hank smirked as a baby, it's a sure sign of a skeptic!  We then see that WV is still stalking him, of course.  So then he's back at his office watching a video transfer of Kommandant Doppelganger, deciding to go visit Nazi Collector Extraordinaire because reasons, and Paige busts in so the Scoobies proclaim, "Clocks!" and he's still all, "Whatevs," and then a parallel sequence begins: the Scoobies' computer-fu versus Hot Girl with Clock-fu (who I don't even know what to call anymore!).  Whomever is hiding the clues in the clocks is getting less clever with it, as they all think their way through the density problem of the spherical object and there's a thing and crazy awesome science and of course it's a map, duh!  Why do they always discount the possibility of geographic information in the clues?  Again Show, that's just falling down on your own formulaic superstructure.

Hank is at the secret bunker of Nazi Collector Extraordinaire - whom like many old fanbois is more than a bit sad and creepy - and he's all, "OMG did anyone ever tell you -" and Hank says, YEAH I KNOW and "Schnitzengruben?" he offers, and, "Let me tell you this utterly obvious fact about the word doppelganger!" and Hank's expression is clearly LOOK FANBOI JUST FIND ME SOME CONVENIENT EXPOSITION, 'KAY?!

Meanwhile, WV is doing the creepy-crawly at the Galliston homestead, which triggers a memory of his Tragic Childhood where no one loved him and how the other orphans called him a freak because, admittedly, of his freaky-ass eyeballs.  Before the commercial break he stands menacingly at the foot of the bed of the Lying Liars Who Lied to Hank but you totes know nothing is going to happen (despite a cue trying to tell us otherwise) because this is Show, where none of the suspense is really suspense.  Post-commercial, he's really going all Single White Female on Hank, stealing the Photo Album of Childhood Lies, as upstairs "Mom" wonders Do you hear an agent of evil creepy-crawling in here?

Back at the bunker, NCE just happens to have a handy-dandy family tree for Kommandant Doppelganger, noting that his bloodline is descended from a group whose zealotry appears encoded in their DNA, and the only clue he can offer is where he got all the junk from (with that whole MY COLLECTION. LET ME SHOW YOU IT. thing which is a meme because it's true, and wow, dude looks like Peter Lorre, actually).

This is your life, Corbin Sterm.

Meanwhile at the media empire Riley crows, "We found her!" and Girl Genius Rachel looks miffed (she clearly does not remember what I said about the Feds being able to find anyone at any time) and exposition about Anna and WTF is she doing, and Agent Blonde is out of her depth with computer-fu and Girl Genius says let me drive, and Paige is like, "Whatevs, show-off," and apparently there's a tally somewhere which Rachel adds a point to because this is not about saving the world or finding answers at all, it's all about I am Girl Genius and you must love me, clueless cute boi!  Rachel, honey, he is cute and all but...*facepalm*

WV is positively wallowing in his bad memories and a barking dog makes him recall the first time he stood up against the bullies, who hooted at him in unison as they tormented him, and you know...I'd feel sorry for him if it wasn't so very Lord of the Flies.

Hank has a date with destiny in Lake Charles, Louisiana, where a crotchety junkman turns out to be the son of Corbin Sterm.  Uh...okay?  And naturally his response is, "Uh hi, stranger who looks just like my dead Nazi father?"  There's a whole thing where they hit every point on the Kubler-Ross scale but cross-cut with that is....

Expense accounts are strained as Riley and the Scoobies travel to Istanbul on Laila's trail but of course the pesky Rosicrucians have untold wealth, or whatever.  Arron counsels to snatch some DNA and Hank is all, "Try not to cause an international incident or get killed, mmmkay?"

But also, as WV is waiting for Creepy Little Boy (more stairs are involved), he's still angsting about his antiseptic upbringing.  He then lies (like Laila did) about Hank's significance in his report to Mommy Locust.  He learns she cut out Creepy Little Boy's tongue and knowing they're both from the Island of Misfit Errand Boys, he is ready for a showdown.  Later, in the suitably fairy tale-esque penthouse of Mommy Locust, WV comes up against the True Believer, and it's pretty much a standoff.  Because she's all, "Blah blah blah YOUR LIFE, SO HARD," and says that she'll tell him why he exists in exchange for the True Cross.  "Trust me," she says, much like Kaa, and you just know WV so totally cannot trust her.

He's like a sociopathic Malamute (no offense to the breed).

Son of Sterm explains how he found his calling in an apostle's house in Istanbul, where he and his mother took refuge after Kommandant Doppelganger went off to save the world, just as Anna fails to find the next clock in the Turkish hidey-hole and is then ambushed by the Scoobies and Riley says OH HAI LYING LIAR WHO LIES.  Post-commercial, what is truly unbelievable is how none of them save Rachel (because it's a ratio of four females to one male) have their heads covered in the showdown sequence.  Y'all are in Turkey, in case you forgot.  I'm thinking the polis would be a little more miffed over that than just a B&E, but of course it's not entirely the police, one of them is a Shepherd, come to rescue the wily Anna.  But before the polis showed up, forget all that clock bullshit, Riley Needs Answers and starts in on Russiyana Flight 71.  Remember what I noted at the beginning of this recap?  Anna warns Riley that she might not really want to know why her husband had to die.

(OMG Riley's husband was either a Shepherd or a Pirate, hmm?!)

Dangerous misunderstanding, police intervention, letter of revelation ("I've got something in my pocket that explains everything!"), The Escape Artist Formerly Known As Laila goes poof, and Erik Haas reveals that he has the rest of the clocks because he was clever way before it was cool, y'all.  And really, we're so done with the clocks, right?  Because it's all about the True Cross now.  But Hank's solution to keeping them safe means bringing them to the offices of Modern Skeptic...oh yeah, that's really safe.

Gotta whole lotta clocks!

WV, like Aqualung, is sitting on a park bench, eyeing...well okay, not little girls, but kids playing...OH NOES MOAR ANGST?!  No, but this week's anvil of significance.  Identities within identities, lies within lies, mysteries within mysteries...HANK IS TOO MY LAB-ENGINEERED BROTHER, SEE WE HAVE THE SAME TOY, WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME?!

All the Skeptics return home, Anna is advised to do something about those meddling Feds, and Hank is his own grandfather!  Laila calls and declares, "It's time to end this," (because people in Zero Hour don't know they're in Zero Hour)...and that's where it does end.  That was actually rather unexpected (by me, anyway), and it works much better than last week's non-denouement.

The good (scoring) stuff:
Within those first nine minutes, the cues progress in what I perceive to be an interconnected fashion, but it also shows how music works in underlying some parts and not others.  It's a great example of how this show really is scored like a film would be.  The piano cue I mentioned earlier is really lovely, a slight wash of brass carries it away and then strings enter to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.  But then after the commercial the more delicate side of it comes back, with perhaps a slight touch of menace.  I assume Nazi Collector Extraordinaire is listening to Wagner when Hank comes to visit him.  The music which backs WV's reminiscences is not wholly bathos, there's an interesting tension in it.  There's one use of licensed music in the scene where Hank first arrives in St. Charles but it's used in a realistic fashion, way in the background.  There's a nice use of Middle Eastern music in the first Istanbul scene, it's at least not as silly as last week's Let's go to Paraguay!   I believe the piano cue which I think of as "Home" comes back during the scene where Erik reads the letter Sterm wrote while on the sub. I really like the last cue as well, it's also piano-based.   I'd say my only complaint is in the transition to commercial the cues become way too dramatic, much like the cue when WV looks into the mouth of Messenger Boy, it's telegraphing, and that's a no-no.